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Sour cherry pie ,you and I
Once upon a time
I made sour cherry pie,
Just to try to get your smile.
It was more than expected
as I got also a little attention
and, surprisingly, some genuine affection.
We both learned that sour can become pleasant and sweet
as long as two souls are open to really meet.
And that has happened with your look
with that special angle your lively eyes took.
The rest would be history
If there was a date of expiry.
But, but, but it was just the beginning
giving to sour cherry pie
all the new meaning!
First published 13/8/2019
All rights reserved
Connect and Respect
The process of Becoming
It is 1.45 am, on a Thursday. I am in bed, staring at the bright screen of my phone, unable to comprehend what I am seeing. I am just scrolling down on Facebook with the hope that I am going to be so exhausted out of boredom that I will achieve to fall asleep. And then a thought occurred to me: I used to be the most productive person at this time of the night. Used to be. Now things have changed. Seemingly, the huge change has been me moving to two different countries in a period of three years, yet a voice inside me is not convinced and screams that geography plays a small part in this transformation.
It is 1.58 am, and I am writing like I used to, with no feeling of regret or shame. It is just me, the music and the blank paper in front of me, having a chat like good old friends. It is me and my old self partaking in a tête-à-tête while looking at each other with eyes full of wonder and surprise, as if we could not remember the reason why we could possibly stop talking. But I remembered. It usually happens when your bubble bursts. It happens to all of us sooner or later, at different times and under different circumstances like when you go to university or when you graduate or when you are forty and heartbroken sitting alone on a bench at night wondering if the human body is really capable of enduring all the pain you are feeling. The bubble bursts like a big unexpected firework in the sky, it is strong and rapid, and does not give you the time you need to comprehend its beauty or ugliness. It is the bubble that used to protect you by distancing you from taking responsibility for your own actions. Any bad thing that happened to you could be blamed on a parent, a teacher, a friend, a rude person in the metro – on anyone but yourself. Then a day comes, when a sudden moment of epiphany hits you: You are responsible for what happens to you from now on. And oh man, it hurts. All your flaws start taking shape in the form of sleepless nights and restless days, and they only blame a certain person: You.
It is 02:11 am, and I start remembering my care-free days of running around, not trying to become anything, as by doing it I was just becoming it without thinking too much about it. And I think that is what I am missing from my current life: doing something without thinking of doing it a hundred times before-hand. That childish spontaneity of kicking the ball recklessly, then searching for it for thirty minutes in a muddy field without any feeling of regret or worry that you are losing time or that you will surely be needing a shower after, but rather with the pure acceptance of the fact that at the end of the day you just kicked a bloody ball and there is no need to overthink about it.
It is 02:14 am, and I start a part of who I used to be before I started working towards becoming someone. The unsolidified identity of childhood, the infinite hours of playing invented games in the neighbourhood. The walks in the old town with friends under the blue sky. And the thing is, I do not miss the activities I used to do, I just envy the carefree attitude that was like a delicious white cloud above my head, preventing the hot sun from burning my mind. But then life happens, you hurt yourself or you get hurt by someone, you become more and more focused on what you think rather than in the process of engaging and connecting with the outer world, you laugh a bit less, and you try to become more of who you would like to be, a stronger, self-conscious and responsible person and forgetting that some parts of who you used to be had some value too.
It is 02:21 am, and I am aware that the process of becoming is difficult and challenging, but it is indeed worth it. I just have to remind myself that I need to have a chat with the teenager, the child, the past self inside me and stop avoiding her. She has advice to give me that my current life is unable to offer.
It is 02:34, ‘Sóley – I’ll Drown’ is playing, overwhelming me with memories and a sweet feeling of escapism due to the song’s dreamlike, nostalgic quality. A sweet reminder that we should befriend our past, understand and learn from it, as it can teach you what no book can: how you used to be before the wrath of gods reached you.
Connect and Respect
First published June 2017