“For you will die the moment you have in life no aim.” Mihai Eminescu
Two years have passed from my visit to magic city of Iasi, first encounter with Romanian soil, and, surprisingly, with Mihai Eminescu. The Mihai Eminescu was revelation, something sent from somewhere, being everywhere and nowhere, helping me to profoundly understand society as temporarily sojourner.
In the meantime, adopting Eminescu as an epitome of patriotism and goodness together with other experiences from Iasi trip I met a lot of people from this beautiful country, and never stopped learning how, as one beautiful mind friend said, it is hard to be Romanian! You understand, by trying to comprehend, that it is actually hard to be the Man!
As Kipling said
“If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings-nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds worth od distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And-which is more-you’ll be a Man, my son!”
It all started many years ago, when the writer of this words could not understand then, what would happen and how the affair would have thoroughly affected his life in time. It started slow, very very slow and without realizing raised to real love. No, it was not desire only, neither passion only, but something like a love delivered directly to your inbox(1)! You open it and get horripilation out of excitement and fear also! It all started with the first kiss after couple of months of dating! I am sure we will both remember it and pass it to eternity through our souls!
Note 1: “Inbox” is obviously our Heart. But the question arises, if the “inbox” represents our heart what is the modern expression for soul?
Well we became soul mates! Eating same pies at least!
Having “inbox” for love, “outbox” could be used for soul mates as it is passing through different drafts!
She knew how to listen, and I was, as usual then, and sometimes now, very talkative. When asked: “Do you love me?” She replied with her expressive eyes going from down up: “Yes! For today!” This is how we agreed that we would love each other only for a day! And take it to the next day! Also we agreed, after negotiation, not to have the relation more than six months. Always reasons behind the thoughts!
Negotiations were hard and with a lot’s of laugh and teasing as love cannot be for leasing! And it was not! It was “extended” four times and just a little more!
We had things to do instead to say only, creating memories to stay for a life time. Now after some three years (again that time) feelings matured and are going out here and now to face breeze! Hope it will be a breeze. Just that smooth, easy going, enjoyable breeze like those nights at café where we were dreaming with the company of genuine organic coffee and quiet, passionate music. Or going for a shrimps and beer or wine. Or unsuccessfully trying to go for a short trip! Or just walking on the beach and singing with both our voices not in the choir mode! Or, really “just” inspiring one another, being very inventive! Two small, tiny biscuits with the shape of heart put together by her and one sentence written compensating all pages of “War and Peace” of Tolstoy!
It said:” There are some moments….. you want to hold on forever.” We lived moments of eternity! That is for that time to STOP!
Photo is in my possession also, forever and ever.
We were rediscovering love…..
It was 14th of February of one of the previous years and we decided to go for a coffee. She reminded me that it is St. Valentine’s Day. The day of love. That’s great but I do not celebrate it I replied. Ok, she said. Let’s just go for a coffee. While driving towards the meeting place I decided to go to the nearby flower shop where I got one burgundy colour rose, tied red colour ribbon and took it with me. First at the parking and, while waiting for her to appear, I was inspecting the rose! It was a perfect choice! She came, parked the car near mine and while she was opening the door I presented her with the rose. Well even today, and every time when I remember the way her look was, I start loving her again, for a moment! Memories are wonderwork, sensational prodigy towards our soul!
Not to forget her genuine, deep, practical interest in me and my health. She was there. From day one of my new life.
It was so intensive, as we were sharing all of ourselves, that I just did not notice some words said and message behind it, very normal for woman who loves deeply and thinks about future. That moment was lost somehow and we came to an end.
Do not believe when they say to you: “Do not go back” or different expressions for the same opinion. If you feel and work hard on your self, you might somehow, somewhere, sometime get to know each other anew. Even with all those nervousness passing by and interrupting humble, subtle feelings of love and respect. Or you can rediscover love again. No limits are settled for us to rediscover love in any way!
After such rooted experience of feelings one starts asking questions like:
“Who am I? What I am here for?”, and trying to find some light, just a photon you comprehend that” It seems nobody has found and answer yet. Perhaps, until an answer is found, some individuals could assume that they are here to convert the air they breathe into conscious pulses of love. Perhaps that love will eventually guide someone to a proper answer to what we are here for” ( Thich Nhat Hanh)
Then, before deciding to go to Iasi I have done a couple, more than a couple actually, different acts trying to find out how far she and I stand.
So first thing I did was to await for her at traffic lights and to present her with the envelope! Letter it was! But it was not a love or hate letter! It was a quiz!
Question 1 was( as far as I remember as she told me that she throw that quiz in the garbage)
“Do you still look at my window while passing by sometimes?”
Question 2 was (as far as I remember as she told me that she throw that quiz in the garbage- what a valuable garbage that was!)
“Do you smile when you remember trying to go towards nearby city?
Question 3 was (as far as I remember as she told me that she throw that quiz in the garbage – this question might be the first one!)
Do you still remember our first kiss?
And another three or four having to do with memories! MEMORIES!
There was a reason behind that as her consultants told her to forget everything if she wanted to be cured! Come on! You make your memories, good or bad, love or hate, whatever they are, you make them your best friends! Your very best friends!
I was called a clown at the time without her close relative and most probably herself to realise that clowns are very inventive and deep people trying to make other people overcome their difficulties. It was a compliment without intention. Another lesson for all of us. Everything what someone says or do to you can be reverted to the other positive side. And it can make you happy even while experiencing pain.
However as trying stayed without results, I decided to find out more about Iasi and to go there! Alone, which is always enough when you have aim! That it was Eminescu sending message without me knowing at the time!
So, decision taken after one year passed, ticket downloaded (technology developing further with our mind somehow on the same levels…), hotel and rent a car boked and I was at the airport. Like in all public places people wonder around investigating other people and their behaviour usually to find some inspiration for their thoughts. That is positive thinking applied! Try it. It helps the soul.
Check-in passed, boarding started and while in the cue looking in front of the lady, till then not well spotted, I heard her voice saying: “Do not look further, you might be scared”. I looked at her restless eyes with all due attention and interest. She was radiating very positive energy towards me as we started to introduce our selves. Her name was Liliana and even not a Shakespearean name, she was such refreshment to me that I was thinking why William did not introduce her name to the world before! Reason (that reason is always making us be somehow unnecessary dialectic) why I was thinking of Shakespeare is that I found out that Eminescu was compared with him and called “Romanian Shakespeare”!
If her name was Adriana (from Comedy of Errors) or Alice (from Henry V) or Juliet (from Romeo and Juliet) or Mariana (from All’s Well that Ends Well) or even Ophelia (from Hamlet) I wouldn’t think so much about Eminescu Shakespeare connection! At the end it was productive as Liliana without knowing made me think more and inspired me more!
Liliana, being a London resident, was only passing by Larnaca, having three days swim and rest before boarding on the plane to her native Iasi to visit her sick mother. We exchanged contact numbers as I decided to invite her to the theatre performance called “VIZITA” of Friedrich Durrenmatt for which I reserved two tickets at Vasile Alexandri National Theatre, boarded the plane and took off towards Iasi.
Jassiorum Municipium or by Jassic people – Yazyges or just IASI today, is one of the oldest cities of historical Moldavia region of Romania. City with at least 600 years history. City with first university, and oldest theatre in Romania. City where in 1820 October, unsuccessfully, Filiki Eteria of Phanariots with Ypsilantis as leader, started revolution against the Sultan. Catastrophic move as thousands of fighters were killed. City where poets and many great characters eponym and anonym lived, chewing the air of life, sometimes exceeding their lung capacity! But always with passion!
It was Sunday afternoon when we landed and while I was waiting for rent a car company representative to appear Liliana came and informed that most probably she will attend with me theatre performance on Thursday and that she will confirm it by Tuesday. It was a nice beginning of my Iasi stay. I thought that the sleep helps people to make decisions as Liliana was sleeping during the duration of our flight and woke up just minutes before we landed. In the meantime Felix, now my friend, came and we finished all paper work regarding my rent a car. He explained to me in detail where to go, and how to find Traian Hotel. It was very easy and enjoyable going through the quiet road in the forest taking you towards centre of Iasi.
I approached Trian Hotel, built between 1879 and 1882 by company led by Gustave Eiffel, of, yes, Eiffel Tower and Statue of Liberty which was meant to be a theatre first and due to the debt generated was turned into hotel. After making some of magnificent photos from the room overlooking the street in front of the hotel I decided to widen my excitement and to go for a ride, using Sunday afternoon empty roads, finding my route towards tomorrow’s appointments.
During investigative drive towards Palas moll I have passed by the Theatre building.
First time !
And than instead of going to the moll I
went back and passed second time just to be sure that the building I was looking at ,is The Theatre as I saw in numerous, photos prior to my trip.
And then I have passed the third and fourth and fifth (!) time before deciding to stop somewhere near and walk towards that so impressive building !
Feelings of respect , admiration , and God knows what else ,erupted from my inner self. Even now I get goose bumps when thinking about it! Perhaps it sounds kind of crazy, however, I felt that the building was trying to communicate with me, watching my moves and mimic carefully, trying to
learn what this intruder, is looking for at the middle of the night!
Even immovable , or as per our perception immovable, this respectful edifice, opened in 1840, is able to somehow conquer attention of passers-by, to outwit and thus to win them not as blind followers , or only admirers, but as active participants , which one realize when actually enters the building! I must say that the standard and quality of the people I have met reflects absolutely the beauty , the history , the purpose of The Theatre !
I cornered the feelings knowing that they will surface in the coming days , first by obtaining reserved tickets and secondly by Liliana’s company.
As I continued my drive arround streets of Iasi I managed to get lost. First time visiting Iasi, first time driving and night driving somehow it is normal to get lost for a while. It is inspirational when you get lost in the city you visit for first time as it gives you the opportunity, if you are talkative and respectful to meet new people and feel the real atmosphere. For some time I was driving arround not knowing where the road will take me till I approached a boulevard with side parking for a lot of cars. Tramps and Trolley bus lines were visible down and up. And I stopped trying to employ my sixth sense, as fifth was alive and working after being infront of the theatre building, and chose direction to go back to the hotel. While driving down hill I spotted a men in a big car looking at me and using that eye contact I opened the window and asked him in English where Trayan Hotel was. He smiled and said “No English” but he showed me with his hand to continue strate, which I did with leaving him an overwhelming smile. At the next trafic lights, after I would realise that from my right hand side was a famous Iasi university, that men drove his car next to mine and showed me to follow him. I did it with a pleasure and curiosity. After not more than 5 minutes we were in front of Trayan hotel. I let him understand to wait a little, parked the car and went to meet that good men. I presented him with my card and slowly explained to him that I invite him next afternoon to join me for a coffee or food at the hotel. He wanted to express him self but his English was poor. However I told him not to worry, to talk in Romania Romanian and common sense will make us understand each other. It was not enough to bridge his fear of not knowing English so we stayed on invitation only. But it showed me that in Iasi I will feel beautiful hospitality and care.
To be continued …
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2 thoughts on “Emotional Inteligence”
Beautiful essay. Love and life and pain and all with open eyes and full lungs. Human being. Subscribed and awaiting story to continue.
Thank you! It will come . All good things take time! Thank you again.